Apatow-ed Out?

Whoever said “success is the best revenge” certainly didn’t account for the mediocrity often spawned from such creative successes as 40-Year-Old Virgin, SuperBad, and Knocked Up. How is it the force behind these gems could produce something as lame as the recent Adam Sandler dud, Don’t Mess with the Zohan? America, at least, chose not to mess with the Zohan; it’s barely broken the $100 million mark (at a budget north of $90 million).

This after the bomb pseudo biopic disaster, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, and the tepidly received Forgetting Sarah Marshall, not to mention the abysmal re-tread, Drillbit Taylor. By the mere number of films mentioned, one would assume we’re dealing with a creator’s lifetime of work…guess again.

By the end of the summer, audiences will have not one but two more Apatow dishings to look forward to: reefer comedy Pineapple Express, as well as yet another one-joke Will Ferrell vehicle, Step Brothers.

Fate assured, even if by September those gems fail to stick, relax… Year One with Jack Black is in production, Funny People and Get Him to the Greek are prepping, and the newsworthy Sherlock Holmes with Ferrell and Sacha Cohen is on its way.

Is there such a thing as being spread too thin? Clearly. But the fault is not only on Apatow’s shoulders. The culprit is greed…and Hollywood. The truth is it takes just as much work to write and produce a hit as it does a dud. The problem is so many of these train wrecks should have been avoided by simply saying “NO.”

But how do you say that word when another studio is chomping at the bit to say, “YES!”? Given his previous successes, Apatow could easily walk into any executive’s office, fart, burp, and walk away with a six-figure deal. Who knows – F-urp could be Jim Carrey’s next starring vehicle.

One thing’s for certain – the studio would inevitably tout “F-urp! From the Producer of 40-Year-Old Virgin!” as opposed to, “From the guy who laid that stinker, Cable Guy!” See, Hollywood has a short-term memory for bombs (especially with the help of crafty managers, agents, and publicists.)

It’s naïve to think every movie is going to be a hit. But as a producer, doesn’t the onus of fiscal responsibility lie if it fails?

Woody Allen has made movies for over four decades – many have become utter classics, while others have fallen short both creatively and at the box office. The first difference is Woody’s budgets are substantially less than even the most meager Hollywood comedy. For my money, I’d take three Husbands & Wives if it delivers even one Annie Hall or Mighty Aphrodite on the same budget of one Apatow comedy.

Given Allen’s success, one wonders if he was ever tempted to follow up his hits with sequels like Another Crime & Misdemeanor or Hannah and Her Brothers. The answer, most assuredly, is no. Given his body of work, it’s clear money was never the driving force. Perhaps there lies the greatest lesson for the longevity of any career.

But at an average budget of $100 million, who has time for lessons? The only one quick-fix I can see that might save us all from another comedic stillborn…

…Pay him on commission. Can you imagine?

I bet then even he wouldn’t dare to mess with the Zohan…