Observe and Report

Earlier this year, Kevin James starred in Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Though it met to mostly tepid reviews, the Kevin James every-man quality and charm managed to shine through, despite the critics reviews, and the movie went on to outperform studios’ expectations. The concept was simple enough: a bumbling mall cop turns unexpected hero.

This weekend, Warner Brothers is releasing what appears to be a similar-themed movie starring Seth Rogen, titled Observe and Report. On the onset, one can’t help but wonder why any studio would make a competing mall cop movie within the same year – especially when the latter makes Paul Blart look like a modern day comedy classic.

As the movie unfolds, there’s a small hope this mall cop incarnation might have a smarter, more Napoleon Dynamite look and tone, which is quickly dashed, thanks mostly due to its lead, Seth Rogen.

Rogen is like that really funny relative who’s the life of the party at family get-togethers: great in small doses, but you sure don’t want him staying the week. In Observe and Report, not only does he overstay his welcome, he not only pushes but crosses the line of likability. It’s not an easy task to find yourself rooting for the villain.

In this case, it’s Detective Harrison (played for all its worth by Ray Liotta) who’s assigned the case of apprehending a flasher who’s been plaguing the Forest Ridge Mall where head of security, Ronnie Barnhardt (Rogen) has been patrolling like a modern-day Dirty Harry.

Barnhardt’s got delusions of grandeur, desperately hoping to trade in his mall flashlight for a real gun and badge as he attempts to join the force (but quickly flunks the psychological exam because he’s bipolar).

In between bungling the investigation, Barnhardt tries to romance a cute cosmetics salesgirl (played by Anna Faris) before getting fired for a very unfunny explosion of anger after discovering her having sex in the mall parking lot with Detective Harrison.

From the very first frame, writer/director Jody Hill (The Foot Fist Way) pushes all sense of reality to give his lead carte blanche to chew the scenery — a forgettable crime if only to carve out a memorable laugh, but Observe and Report manages nary a genuine chuckle. Even for the utmost die-hard Rogen fan, the laughs here are few and far between.

Even Celia Weston tries in earnest to add pathos as Rogen’s degenerate alcoholic mother, but only ups the “ick” level.

The film hits its biggest low when it degenerates into a gratuitous drug montage (which by now has become a Rogen cliché). Rogen’s character experiments with heroin with another mall cop and goes on an aggression binge on a group of skateboarders, leaving the audience scratching its collective heads wondering what this movie was about again…

Oh, right — catching the flasher. Just when all is lost, including any sense of reality, the pervert reappears for one final attempt at comedy, only to cross yet another line of utter absurdity.

After last year’s dismal Zack & Miri Make a Porno, Rogen better heed career advice and stop churning out the same movie again and again. The drug-slacker-loser will only get you so far (and, for my money, not even halfway through his big hit, Knocked Up, I’m still scratching my head trying to figure out exactly how he managed to bed Katherine Heigl in the first place).

The same advice may go to Rogen’s progenitor, Judd Apatow, who, like Mickey Mouse creating magic broomsticks in Fantasia, keeps spawning a troupe of actors like Jonah Hill and Jason Segel who churn out half-baked efforts, only serving to damage the Apatow brand (whether or not he has anything to do with their movies at all).

If MTV ever decides to revive Celebrity Death Match and they propose to pit the two mall cops in the ring, put your money on Paul Blart.